Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Jen's Writing: The Early Years

My mother sent me some boxes of stuff from my youth. Some of it is impossibly cringe-worthy--God, could one be more pretentious in high school? I want a TARDIS just to go back and slap myself upside the head.

However, my early attempts at fiction writing reveal a...vigorous style. All misspellings are retained from the original!

From third grade:

I'm Grumpy

My mother doesn't understand me. Once I was talking with my sister and she said. I lost some of your marbels No. I fond some of your marbels. I said who did wat and wat did who?! Unlukuly. I said it vairy lowd my mother head and Zap! I was on my bed in my dark gloomey room.


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Only a year or so later, I had developed a great deal as a writer, one suspects by cribbing phrases and plots from books I was reading at the time:

My Freind Bananas

I had just gone to bed on the Lynn Rose, a real good ship. I am twelve and just been sent on a vacation to England. I had broght my pet dog Darcie, a dachound. Suddenly someone yelled "The boat is sinking! Abandon ship!" I was scared silly. I put a life raft on me and one on Darcie. Then I dived into the ocen. There was only one problem. Darcie is terrifide of water. I finley got her to stop yipping by putting her on a piece of drift wood. By then it was dark and I went to sleep. The next morn I was awakened by Darcie's yapping. "Be quiet" I said but then I relised we were not moving! I looked around. There was a sparkling stream, a cave, and wonder of wonders, trees full of bananas! "Darcie!" I cried "Lets roast bananas!" Darcie started to howl. I said "ether shape up or starve!" So I made a fire and roasted bananas. One taste and Darcie dissipered in to the woods. I've often heard dachhounds are hunting dogs but that was redicules! Darcie brought back three spparrows and one parrot! I ate the parrot and Darcie got the sperrows. One day I went down to the beach and I brought some bananas. Suddenly I heard a wislling and I turned around and saw that a dolfin had eatin all of my bananas and wanted more! I laghed and laghed. After I stopped laghing I said "I'll call you Bananas." I told Bananas all about my seaside home at Burrow. Bananas dived below the surfase of the water. When he came up, he "told" me where my town was. I worked days on my raft and then I filled the raft with bananas, roasted and raw, twelve coconuts, six parrots, two cockatos, and ten sparrows all cooked and ready to eat. I tied the rope around Bananas waist, Darcie and I got on the raft, and we sailed toward Burrow. It took us twelve days to get home, and by the time we got there we had eaten: all of the coconuts, both cockatos, three of the parrots, twenty of the twenty-five bananas, and Darcie ate all of the sparrows. And now whenever I go to the beach, I get to play with my freind Bananas. The end.

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I'm "laghing" at the stilted language: "In the morn I was awakened"? I can't help but wonder what in the world I was reading to get such archaic forms from! Sadly, these stories eventually give way to gloomy emo poetry about being the only soul who has ever suffered as I have. I clearly should have stuck to fiction!

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